So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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