We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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