remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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