Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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