it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
