the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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