I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
