I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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