I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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