I hate all girls vehemently.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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