I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
