Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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