Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
