He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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