My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
