Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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