Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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