Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
