i can't believe i had my finger in that
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just invented taco cereal.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
