Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
