please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
