Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
