I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
