Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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