Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
