I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
