He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
