so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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