Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
