So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
