P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
