If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
