i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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