After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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