sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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