hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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