3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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