After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
