Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
