You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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