I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
