Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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