She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
