Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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