he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
