So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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