i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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