you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
