We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
