Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
