well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
