so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
