I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
