the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
drinking out of a sandbucket again
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Randomize
