That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
