He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I would ride that face into the sunset
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
